Departures in Technicolor

EPROM woes

Girl I wanted to swoop got swooped before I could even think of swooping on her.

Sitting here after having done a 2 AM workout after studying for a midterm + Filipino engineer/scientist dance practice, I can’t help but think about how much more varied my life has become. I’m always up to something whether it be playing video games to up my skills, kicking it at the library coding or just getting some good food with good friends and I love it. That being said, I think I am running my brain and body a bit too thin right now.

I mean, think about it; if I try and get accustomed to the mass amount of variance in my life (fighting games, League of Legends, actually trying to get proficient MATLAB, internship hunting, becoming knowledgeable about technology and optimal carries, writing music, getting more physical and active, hobby hunting [Gundams, cards and learning Japanese peak my interest as of now], anime, socializing, becoming involved in engineering, keeping ties with old friends, etc.) well, as you can see by the long winded list of things I have been trying to keep up with, what will I be proficient at anymore? In fact, I think I’m growing to be pretty mediocre at everything here rather than becoming proficient in a few things and adding it to my repertoire of quirks and skills that make me, well, me.

With all this mind, I can’t help but wonder how I would go about solving this apparent plight of running myself too thin and I think the only logical way to reason with myself is to stop myself from doing so. Focus on less things, master them, move on. Don’t be afraid to invest time in something you’re passionate about and don’t create fake or half-effort passions, so-to-speak, just to keep yourself occupied. Time, if you think about it, is something taken wildly for granted. As cliche as that statement sounds, it is cliched for a reason: It’s the honest truth. Time is something we all want, but rarely have in the short and long run of things. The value of a day to an adult is almost as ambiguous and frail as the value of a dollar to a naive teenager, and there seems to be a shortage of hours in a day to alleviate such a comparison.

Granted, I should note that my peers are extremely extremely intelligent people and all have a pretty stable if not rock solid hold on their life. They are doing their own thing and that is one of the most respectable things I can think a person could do. I’m not necessarily saying I should try and be more like my peers because that wouldn’t aid me whatsoever. If I try and emulate my peers, I won’t be Raul Lozada, 20 year old Civil Engineering Student who plays drums, mains Cammy in Street Fighter and takes 15 pills every day. I’d be comparable to some self made homunculus of sorts, waiting for the next person to be lived through vicariously by some schmuck with nothing better to do with his time than emulate others.

Why am I typing this, you might ask? Well, back to the original topic of this post, I feel as if my personality, my hobbies, my dreams and aspirations, and my life are being stretched to a point of uncertainty where I have no idea who I am anymore. Leaving the angst-ridden hyperbole from the last sentence aside, I still am very concerned as to who I am trying to become in this stage in my life. Sure, the “college” era is one riddled with finding-yourself stereotypes and perhaps even a generation confused John Hughes coming-of-age archetype and this sort of inner soliloquy is pretty standard for a guy like me, but I feel as if my coming of age story is splitting into separate, less enjoyable trees of experience.

Please, don’t let the seemingly gloomy paragraph lead you to believe the angsty 20-something portrait is being plastered upon me by my own hands. If you ever get to know me, I am a generally happy person who tries to lend myself to others in an attempt to explore this world and make the best out of my experiences to pass on to peers and family in the future. However, I rarely have a personal qualm submitted to the open of the internet, so when that happens, it is usually a big deal for me personally. Considering this a blogging site, I don’t think I have been using it to its full potential considering it is an outlet to express myself to others through something as vast as the internet and I think that is just another way I can try to reach out to myself in order to ultimately find what I’m looking for in life.

Frankly, I will say that starting extremely extremely soon, I will narrow my life down into a more focused, yet not tunnel-visioned experience for myself. Furthermore, I will definitely be using this blog as an outlet to share that experience with every one who takes the time to read about how I am dealing with the cards life gives me. No promises yet, but if I had to pick a couple things in my life to blog about that isn’t school (because fuqq parading your grades online and school is my number one priority anyway) I would pick fighting games, losing weight, and my music writing, all things I thoroughly enjoy and I believe to be healthy and self sufficient to blog about.

In closing, if you were Man or Woman enough to sit through this sleep-deprived .txt babble on my soon-to-be-refurbished blog site, then cheers to you, you glorious trooper and thanks for reading. Hopefully if you end up following my experiences you will see me grow into a better, healthier and happier person.

Cheers,

     —Raul

Also, let it be known that I won’t be bombarding you with long walls of text/personal b*tching about my life through this blog. I love and respect all of my peers and followers too much to put them through that.

EDIT: I got a knife and a flashlight in the mail today lol today’s awesome